I’ve been trying to finish this site since May 2018. I’ve finally done it by 4 am today. I take a lot of naps!!
Was listening to this song Friday from my best friend, Grammy winner Seth Mosley. It’s old but still good. We are all here in the middle between being born and dying. I want more. For me, for karen, for my kids. We have to keep our focus on serving others, taking care of ourselves and enjoying life as it’s meant to be lived. Couple PSAs, please wear your seatbelt and please know Jesus as it will change you from the inside out.
Today is an anniversary, albeit an awfully tragic one. I have been dreading this month for a while now. I wasn’t even sure if Bob would see March 2019 or his 33rd birthday. March has his birthday as well as mine and so many others who mean the world to us. March is also (ironically) Brain Injury Awareness month.
For those not familiar with the story, since I have not posted a single thing about it on social media, here is a quick recap:
One year ago today at approximately 4:30 pm, on an icy road, my husband lost control of our van and crashed into a tree. He was unrestrained and was partially ejected through the passenger side window. He sustained a traumatic brain injury called a “diffuse axonal injury” (DAI). It is a shearing injury where the connections in the axons of his brain get damaged and lose all of their critical connections. He was in the ICU for 8 days, in a coma for 19, and in an acute care hospital for about a month. He spent two more months at Magee Rehabilitation Hospital, where he received top notch care and I was spoiled by their staff. He was discharged home on June 20, 2018, three months to the day from his accident. Bob attended outpatient physical, occupational, and speech therapy after discharge and completed behind the wheel training to start driving in the beginning of February.
Here is an update since November:
It’s not easy. Different things trigger his anger and it’s hard to determine what those things are and when they will rear their ugly heads. My best way to describe him is Jekyll and Hyde. He also runs out of energy fairly quickly, and also can’t predict when he will run out. Bob’s analogy is a gas tank in a car that no longer has the gas gauge. You just don’t know when it will run out, and when it does, he is done. A nap will usually recharge his batteries. Interesting that his engraving to me on my wedding band says, “Girlie, you recharge my batteries”.
The house is always a mess (which could be the 3 year old and 1 year old as well) and Bob misplaces a great deal of items which is frustrating to both of us (lost his wallet at the hospital yesterday when I was in for a quick procedure).
But Bob also surprises me a great deal. He has stopped by work and dropped off iced teas and lunches and snacks. He has also stayed to eat lunch with my coworkers and me. He has fully embraced “Schroeder Medical Transport” and has been taking J and/or Michael to many doctor’s appointments so that I can be at work. J is up to 6 therapy sessions per week and we have been swapping those responsibilities. This house spent much of January and February bogged down with sicknesses. Bob desperately wants to go back to work full time, but his medical team has advised him that full time work isn’t wise at this point. He is going back for a speech re-evaluation next week because he knows that he isn’t yet the best that he can be cognitively.
Every day is a struggle, sometimes it’s a battle. We’re trying to heal a brain, heal a family, heal a marriage. Please keep us all in your prayers. We are all trying (sometimes each other’s patience) and learning how to deal with our “new normal” and that’s an awful phrase to hear because we understood our old normal and it worked.
And that building I kept seeing progress right by the Ben Franklin bridge? We passed it on the way to Philadelphia for a seventh grade field trip last week. It’s nearing completion on the outside, but still has a ways to go on the inside. Kinda like Bob.
Michael the fixer. He loves wearing goggles and using his tools.
Madelyn Grace is here! Brittany and Joeys princess was born February 4. Michael adores Maddie!
Much love and thanks for all of your support and love.
This is Bob, himself. I’ve been wanting to share this post from facebook that I did a couple weeks ago. Today is my 33rd birthday and I’m glad that I’m progressing each day. Its also a victory to get the blog completely migrated to here at unrestrainednj.com
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Posted on facebook on February 27 at 12:57 PM
So I’m 3 weeks away from the 1 year anniversary of one of the worst days of my life. I started driving again a short time ago. Today I got to drive myself for my favorite cheesesteak for lunch. Thank you to everyone supporting my family and I financially and with love and prayers since my accident. It’s meant more then you’ll ever know. Just grateful today to be alive for my wife Karen Schroeder and children. Looking forward to the opportunity of getting back to life with putting my loved ones first. This has been an opportunity to reprioritize and I’m most thankful for the opportunity each day.
I’m not tagging anyone specifically as the list feels a mile long. Thank you for everything as it’s meant the world!!
I just reread my post from almost two months ago. And I started to tear up a bit. Bob is getting better by little bits every day but it is so hard to see when you are right there in it.
It’s easier to recognize the improvements when you can distance yourself from the situation. Which is what most of you who see or talk to him on a weekly or monthly basis feel. “He seems great!” “Back to his old self!” Nope.
He’s getting there. It is slow progress. Just like the building that has been under construction next to the Ben Franklin Bridge.
It has come a long way since April when I started driving up here.
We have this saying framed in our kitchen.
And I need to live this saying. And be a better “cheerleader” for every little step of progress.
But my default setting is “critical”. And it isn’t a good look on me. Never has been. I’m critical of myself and my surroundings and also of Bob.
And it’s only because we are both so frustrated with the whole situation. His depression is worse than ever and we are continually seeking therapy and medication management as well as strategies to help him cope. His headaches have been crippling for the past week or two.
Bob and I both got a stomach bug at the beginning of October. His was so bad that one night (around 3 am) he passed out in the shower. Bob fell onto the floor and in the process hit his head on at least the bathroom door. I took him to the ER the next morning and he had a CT scan. It didn’t show any bleeding, but after a head injury, you are more likely to sustain another head injury or have seizures.
They also ran through the suicide question list and he was at risk based on his answers, but not so bad that they kept him. We’ve been close to calling the police for help for him a couple of times. The depression is that bad.
We are at Magee for another follow up with Dr. Kucer today. We have an independent medical exam with a neurologist next Tuesday and an appointment with his neurosurgeon, Dr. Stidd, next Thursday.
Michael’s birthday is next week – on Halloween. We’re having a “little” party for him (it got out of hand quickly).
And he starts his first day of big boy school. Tiny baby had surgery last week and I met his biological parents. We have three nights of therapy a week with the kids. So yep. I’m a little overwhelmed. But I’ve got my big girl pants on and we just keep swimming.
Thanks (as always) for your continued prayers and support.
They just do. They are a horrible horrible thing to experience. They can be caused from a stroke or blunt force trauma or by being shaken as a baby. Or a host of other things. And you can’t see this injury. And that sucks too.
I had a great day yesterday. Long, as usual, but good overall. Mikey “helped” me at school for a couple of hours and then we went to the “big city”.
Mikey typing up my lesson plans for me. It’s gonna be a lot of “sbavahshndnxnnnnnsjnsn kammxndbanmmmmmmdnsjahsbnd” for the first week.
Daddy and Mikey at the only remaining original wall of the John Ross house (Betsy’s husband) which is where we go to see Bob’s neuropsychologist. Society Hill Dance Academy is on the first floor. The first lesson is free. I’ve been wanting to go for the past two months. Might need to pull the trigger and get my dance on while Bob’s at therapy.
I did a bang up job (where I didn’t bang anything) parallel parking. I have gotten better and better with it, but this was a one shot deal. I didn’t have to go back and forth like a K turn. I was so proud of myself. My fear of city driving has all but disappeared over the last five months too. And it’s a good thing, because we are back in Philly again today for more appointments.
We went to Jefferson this morning to see a new neurologist. And we will see Dr. Kucer and his former therapists later on today. Bob completed some cognitive testing today at Jeff. It was a test he’s taken repeatedly and he did well on it overall. Our ride in today was a rough one. He was filling out the packet of new patient information for Jefferson and was very overwhelmed very quickly. He was also very short tempered with me and let himself out somewhere along Walnut Street to walk to the hospital on his own. 🤦♀️ He got lost along the way and went into the wrong building. But eventually made it to the appointment. The plan is to cut back on a couple of meds that can also be affecting his mood and cognition.
It feels good to blog again. It helps me to unload all of the stuff rolling around in my head. And I love the supportive texts and emails after I publish a post. It helps to lift me up and I didn’t realize just how much I needed it and how much I have missed that these last two months.
Keep the prayers coming. For his brain to heal and for him to develop lasting strategies to compensate for the deficiencies. For patience on both of our parts to cope with the changes and “new normal”. For the lawyer to contact me back about appealing his disability denial. For us both to understand that we are on the same team.
Bob used to say “same team” to me anytime we got in an argument so that we would both remember that our end goals are always the same and that we would work together better. It’s something that we are starting to say more and more to each other now. You are all also on our team now (whether you like it or not). 😘
