I just reread my post from almost two months ago. And I started to tear up a bit. Bob is getting better by little bits every day but it is so hard to see when you are right there in it.
It’s easier to recognize the improvements when you can distance yourself from the situation. Which is what most of you who see or talk to him on a weekly or monthly basis feel. “He seems great!” “Back to his old self!” Nope.
He’s getting there. It is slow progress. Just like the building that has been under construction next to the Ben Franklin Bridge.
It has come a long way since April when I started driving up here.
We have this saying framed in our kitchen.
And I need to live this saying. And be a better “cheerleader” for every little step of progress.
But my default setting is “critical”. And it isn’t a good look on me. Never has been. I’m critical of myself and my surroundings and also of Bob.
And it’s only because we are both so frustrated with the whole situation. His depression is worse than ever and we are continually seeking therapy and medication management as well as strategies to help him cope. His headaches have been crippling for the past week or two.
Bob and I both got a stomach bug at the beginning of October. His was so bad that one night (around 3 am) he passed out in the shower. Bob fell onto the floor and in the process hit his head on at least the bathroom door. I took him to the ER the next morning and he had a CT scan. It didn’t show any bleeding, but after a head injury, you are more likely to sustain another head injury or have seizures.
They also ran through the suicide question list and he was at risk based on his answers, but not so bad that they kept him. We’ve been close to calling the police for help for him a couple of times. The depression is that bad.
We are at Magee for another follow up with Dr. Kucer today. We have an independent medical exam with a neurologist next Tuesday and an appointment with his neurosurgeon, Dr. Stidd, next Thursday.
Michael’s birthday is next week – on Halloween. We’re having a “little” party for him (it got out of hand quickly).
And he starts his first day of big boy school. Tiny baby had surgery last week and I met his biological parents. We have three nights of therapy a week with the kids. So yep. I’m a little overwhelmed. But I’ve got my big girl pants on and we just keep swimming.
Thanks (as always) for your continued prayers and support.