One thing I didn’t share about yesterday was that at Magee, the gloves and gown are no longer needed to visit with Bob. It was really nice to be able to actually touch his arms, hands, and face with my hands yesterday.
But I didn’t make the trip today to visit with him. It’s the first day since the accident that I haven’t seen him. And I feel sick about it. I did get a full report (and I mean full) from his case manager earlier today with detailed statistics about what he was and was not able to do in OT, PT, and Speech. It was extremely overwhelming and a bit humbling to realize just how far he needs to go before he’s back at baseline.
A few times in ICU, I actually thought that if I gave him a big ole smooch, he would wake up (thanks fairy tales). Or that I would walk in and he would be sitting up and eating jello. Now, I guess I just hoped the report would be that he was up and walking. But the reality is that he doesn’t know what day it is, can’t thread his arms through a shirt, and can’t stay upright on his own without help. So I’m sad. And I feel awful that I didn’t see him tonight. Mikey and I did call his room and he said, “Hi. What’s up?” after being handed the phone by his 1:1 aide like nothing had ever changed.
But it has. And it’s just sad. I’m sad. And Mikey knows it. He hugs me more. Kisses me more. And will often rush to my side when he sees me get teary. I try not to cry any more in front of him but it still happens. And I just miss Bob. My Bob.
The accident happened the day before my birthday. I was wondering if he had bought me anything or planned an experience. Ferg said she remembered taking to him about it earlier at work on the day of the accident and that she thought it was an experience. I was going through mail tonight and looking at bills. On his credit card was a charge for spa finder that was enough for us both to get massages. He probably would have scheduled Brittany to take the kids for the day or overnight and we would have been pampered, had a wonderful dinner, and spent the night in AC. That’s my guess. I’m not sure I’ll ever know. I’m not sure he’ll ever remember what he was planning because that was a short term memory.
Please keep praying for him and our family.
Much love, Karen
One of last year’s birthday gifts. Delivered to work.
And our birthday date last year. He actually said he enjoyed it and would do it again. The art is hanging in our room now.
