Unrestrained NJ

Bob’s discharge date is set for next Wednesday, June 20 and this is three months to the day of the accident. I feel as if three seasons have gone by even though it really has just been spring that has gone by with Bob not at home.

On the day of the accident, there was ice on the road which caused Bob to lose control of the van. Winter.

A very rainy three months followed where I saw the flowering trees and bushes at my house bloom and fade. Spring.

And now it is starting (is it really?) to get warmer. There have been days where Michael is dripping sweat. But let’s face it, he’s a sweaty boy when it’s 50 degrees out. Summer.

Three months of this year. 25%. One fourth of 2018. It’s seven more “sleeps” till he’s home. Five more sleeps for me at Brittany and Joey’s and two more in a hotel.

And my husband wants to go to the beach on his first day of freedom. The man RARELY wants to go to the beach. He would rather be in a pool. And while I enjoy an ocean breeze, I despise sand. But what my baby wants, my baby gets. I’ll let you know how it goes or if he realizes it’s too exhausting to go. He told me “It’s the first day of summer. We HAVE to go”.

And then after two nights of Bob and I on our own, so that we can get the lay of the land and understand how to maneuver around the house with each other, Michael will come home. We will be a family of three for two days and then tiny baby will come back into the mix.

It’s unbelievably terrifying for me to not have the security of extra people to be there at a moment’s notice to watch the kids for me now that we’re going to be back out the middle of nowhere. It’s alarming to be solely in charge of Bob’s care. I know he’s made incredible progress and will continue to do so while he’s in outpatient but it’s still a little bit scary.

On the flipside of being terrified about this next step, the excitement is almost unbearable. I can’t wait to be home. Make meals at our house. To rock Michael in our rocker and read him a story. To be able to see Michael play with his kitchen set and the drum set he loves so much. To be back in my own bed with my husband. To discover what has been in the “date night” boxes that have kept arriving (a gift for Bob for Valentine’s Day).

I’m also looking forward to a summer that will be very different than any one Bob and I have ever had. He usually works harder in the summer to make up for my income ending. Much of our time will be spent in outpatient therapy between Bob and both boys and about 20 appointments for all of us over the next two months. Because of the teacher schedule, you schedule all of your appointments in the summer.

So more juggling, more spinning plates. But we’re a team. And we can do this.

One thing that has been a constant on my rides back-and-forth from Philly is going over the Benjamin Franklin Bridge. I’m not terrified to drive across like some people I know, and I enjoy looking out over the side at the water and ahead of me toward the city. On my left, I watch the ongoing construction of what I believe will be an apartment building. I also enjoyed seeing the Chinese lantern Festival come together in Franklin Park during the last few weeks of April.

We went last week.

I get to see these ongoing changes every time I travel, and I can also see the changes when I go to therapy with Bob once or twice a week. Due to the gaps in the timing of my visits, I see large leaps and gains that he is making in his recovery. I could also see the changes in tiny baby over the past week when he was in the pediatric intensive care unit at Cooper for pneumonia. I wasn’t with tiny baby every second of every day, so he also had big changes over the five days he was there. He chunked up!

I wonder if I’m going to be able to see the same gains and improvements with Bob when I’m with him on a daily basis. Just like I can’t tell that Michael is growing because I see him every day, I KNOW he’s growing because his shoes are getting smaller, the sleeves on his shirts are getting shorter, and his arms reach higher up on my leg when he hugs me.

I am going to miss the ride. It is a tiny bit of peace in an otherwise crazy upside down life that we’re living right now. I’m going to miss seeing the people at Magee day in and day out. Thees individuals have given their lives to take care of others. Not only their patients but the families as well. When they see that I am upset, or overwhelmed by everything going on, Bob’s therapists, nursing staff and other Magee employees go out of their way to try to take some of my burden away. Those people have all made an unbelievable difference in my husband’s recovery and have helped us come together again as a whole family unit. They love Bob, me, Michael, and the tiny baby. Truth be told, especially Michael. It shows in everything they do and say.

So I will miss you my friend, Ben Franklin. But now I will be spending at least a few days a week traveling a lot with a new friend, Walt Whitman. Bob will be doing his outpatient therapy at Magee Riverfront and that’s just over the Walt Whitman bridge. I look forward to this next chapter.

“Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing.” Ben Franklin

“Every moment of light and dark is a miracle.” Walt Whitman

At the Apple store. Cried a few more times earlier in the week after I dropped my phone Monday night. Face down. On concrete. I got a black screen of death and could do nothing to fix it. I was terrified that I would lose my calendar and all the pictures and videos from the last two months that are documenting every moment of Bob’s recovery. And I couldn’t get to any new phone numbers in my contacts. Including Bob’s number. So I cried Monday night. Bob is the one in charge of backups and iCloud and techy techy blah blah blah.

And then I was terrified that Apple would send me away since (as far as I knew) everything we had was in Bob’s name. So I stopped in Cherry Hill on my way to the hospital tonight. I was immediately sent in the direction of a back table to wait for a Genius to help me. And it was then that I began to cry. I had a panic attack because Bob always handles the Apple store trips. Everything is backed up before we go. He is clear with what needs to be fixed. He explains what potential solutions he has already attempted in detail. And I just realized how much I miss having him around. (Please remind me of this moment two months from now when we are spending every second of our lives together and we’re driving each other crazy). However, there was no need for panic. Or a worst case scenario brainstorm (one of my best loved past times) because John was so helpful and kind.

I had another hiccup when I had to put my Apple ID and password in John’s iPad. And even though I had written it down, I had an incorrect mixture of two passwords that I typically use. And I got the warning of “hey. do this incorrectly one more time and you will never access this account again” or something along those threatening lines. So I started to cry for the second time. I gathered myself together pretty quickly after this breakdown though.

Fast forward. Phone fixed (for no cost with Apple Care Plus) in under an hour and a half and I spent that time wandering the mall and in Maggiano’s. Pictures, video, and calendar are intact. Phew.

When I first told Bob about my phone, he told me to call Dave Ralph. I had to tell him that Dave Ralph lives and works in California. Bob’s response, “What’s he doing out there?!?!” Working for Apple.

When I got to the hospital tonight, Bob wasn’t in the day room and I could hear “G 56. I 17” and I knew exactly where my hubby was. When I walked in, he had two prizes in front of him and was on his was to win his third. He proceeded to win four more games and shared the prizes with me and a few of his friends.

He does have friends at the hospital now. Staff members called him Bingo Bobby tonight. He waves at other patients and they all help each other keep track of when their family members come and go. Bob sweetly reminded a fellow patient that his dad had left for the evening when he was wondering where he was. Bob said, “Remember? Your dad is coming back in the morning.”

And I’m coming back in the morning. For another day of training and maybe even practicing getting Bob in and out of our car. Wish us luck and say a prayer that it all goes smoothly. Your prayers for his bladder are working. It’s getting better and better every day. Keep those prayers coming!

This was this morning…

Soooo…I gave Bob his computer to see what he remembered. Well, he freaked that my blog wasn’t a self hosted site and created me my own domain. 🙄

He is very happy that he remembered how to do it.

Moving forward, all new blog posts will be at

Unrestrainednj.com

Hopefully, we will lose those pesky ads too.

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But alas, ’twas not meant to be. The domain is purchased. And some of the older posts are there. But it didn’t pick up all of the more recent posts. And then Bob started to get very frustrated and slightly depressed.

So it’s still this same site. Which I have no problem with and maybe, eventually, I will let him touch a computer again. But probably not for another month or two. It was too sad to watch him start to shut down with disappointment. He said his head hurt. His brain was fried. And he just wanted to be able to provide for his family.

And he will. Someday. Tomorrow is 10 weeks since the accident. It will continue to be more time until he heals.

I’m not going to watch that spiral again. I don’t want to see him down on himself. The task he was doing wasn’t one that he normally does, but should have been something he could have reasoned out fairly easily (pre-TBI).

He had a good day of therapy over all. I found out that he walked himself to the bathroom with his walker at around 4 am. (He isn’t allowed to do that). But did well with ADLs with Brian. He saw Colleen for PT and I started my training. And he walked even more. We played three hands of Crazy 8’s and he won two of them. I need to stop playing cards with him. Speech was great with Stephanie and we worked on more reasoning activities.

His personality is coming back more and more. He’s getting his funny snarky attitude with me and I like giving it right back to him. But then he cries “brain injury” thinking I will stop, but I don’t. We had a BBQ lunch in the cafeteria and then Ryan and Heather Gorsky came to visit. We played SkipBo outside on the 6th floor and, of course, Bob won. See? I don’t learn.

He’s resting now because I hurt his head with the computer. I do feel badly, especially since he was so excited to help me. I hope to cheer him up later. We’re going to order in sushi for dinner.

Hope everyone had a safe and happy Memorial Day Weekend.