I got a shower tonight. In my own shower. And it was amazing. Stood in there for 45 minutes. Enjoying my shower beer. Staring at the tree and weird foil designs in there. Reminiscing about my grandmother saying she would “send me back to the Indians” if I took the fancy shower curtain off of it’s hook. Which always made me wonder “why back? Did I come from them in the first place?” This was over 35 years ago and she was born in 1921. So consider the context. She was a saint. RIP my darling Clementine…any-who…I digress.
The shower. We haven’t had but a trickle of water out of the shower head since we’ve been home in June. We’ve been showering at the office (aka our old apartment) and at anyone’s house who would let us. Like nomads. And while the hospitality has been lovely, it just sucked.
So it was amazing to have a little bit of normal in a summer that has been anything but.
Today marks ten weeks since Bob’s discharge from Magee. He was at Magee as an inpatient for 9 weeks. That period was a cake walk compared to now. Really, March 20-June 20 was so simple. I worried about Bob, but I didn’t have to care for him day in and day out. I’ve been wanting to blog and have the title be “Summertime…and the livin AIN’T easy” but I just haven’t had the strength to do it. Because I feel like anything I have to share is so incredibly negative. And I don’t want to be “Debbie Downer”.
- Bob’s depression and his short temper are the things that stand out to me the most since we’ve been home. And his inability to follow more than one, maybe two directions at a time. The short temper is getting a little better, but the whining from our almost three year old sends him over the edge. If you package that with the tiny 7 month old foster baby crying, he has to put on noise cancelling headphones and walk out of the room or house all together. Leaving me to tend to the kids on my own.
- We have had an OBSCENE amount of appointments, procedures, and therapies. Countless trips to Philly. We were there three times a week throughout July. Michael has had three therapies a week as well as ENT and cardiology appts for a heart murmur. He’s just fine. Tiny baby will soon have four hours of therapy a week as well as ongoing appts with pulmonary, ENT, and gastro. And his breathing has been all over the place this summer with his allergies. I’ve had a mammogram, colonoscopy and upper endoscopy, and our poor cat had mouth surgery to remove a mass (not cancerous). And both cars have been in the shop for major brake repairs and my pesky tire that gave me trouble months ago FINALLY just got totally fixed.
- Bob has been going to OT, PT, and Speech essentially three days a week all summer. He also sees a neuropsychologist every week in Philadelphia and she’s amazing. He’s on antidepressants now which aren’t helping, so we’re still working on that. I’ve almost called 911 out if concern for his well-being on more than one occasion. When I tell him he looks good, his response is “I’d look better in a coffin.” He often tells me he feels like he’s trespassing. When I ask him to explain, he says “On earth. I should have died that day”.
- I’m doing my best to be supportive and understanding of a brain injury that I don’t fully understand and the no one can see. And we have no answers on when he will be “better” and when we have to just accept a “new normal” because he will be as good as he will get.
- For those readers who are friends with either of us on Facebook, you know we post next to nothing. And as of this moment, have posted nothing about the accident. But I did post about the opportunity to go to Eagles training camp with a group from Magee. My post was typical Facebook happiness. But the reality was that Bob had a massive headache from the music and noise after about 5 minutes. He felt like it should be Christmas morning and he should be jumping out of his skin excited (his words). But he wasn’t. I went to the bathroom at the conclusion of practice and left him in one spot holding all of our stuff. I told him I would be right back. When I got out, he was gone. I figured, in typical Bob fashion, that he had headed to the car without me. So I started for the car. He wasn’t there. I panicked because he didn’t have his phone and I had NO CLUE where he could be. Thank goodness our friends Keith and Ron from Magee found him and brought him to the car for me. So stressful to lose him, but a great day meeting Wentz, Foles, and Pederson among others. Once in a lifetime opportunity.
- Please keep praying for all of us. I go back to work next week. I’m not ready. Not my room. Not plans wise. Not mentally in the right place to start. This summer was not a recharge for me. I worry about leaving him here all day on his own in his depression. He will be at Bacharach three mornings a week but it’s still a ton of time here by himself with little monitoring. He has a hard time remembering to eat or figuring out what to prepare for himself. He watches the same movies repeatedly. And tells me the same stories. Over. And. Over. And he was also recently denied his social security disability claim. 🙄
- If anyone tells me one. More. Time. how I must be so excited to go back to work for the break, I will lose it. Everything here won’t go away. All of the same responsibilities will exist. I’ll just add on my duties at school. Still appts and phone calls to make. And now papers to grade and lessons to create. Along with everything else teachers do. It will be a change of scenery and maybe a distraction. But not a break. Please pray for me.
And I should have called the plumber two months ago. It wasn’t even that expensive to fix.
Green circle is my grandmom’s hook. Blue circle is my shower beer cup next to shampoo and conditioner. You can see the super cool tree. Don’t be too jealous.
Mikey helping Gaga with our yearly tomato processing.
Mikey at Mullica’s National Night Out. He wants to volunteer for Weekstown’s fire company.
Bob and I with Swoop and the Lombardi trophy at training camp.
THE TREE. Bob really thought if he went to the tree that he hit with the van and saw it that it would jog his memory. We both also thought that he would remember everything as soon as he walked in our house. Both untrue. He wasn’t sure where we kept the plates.